Public shower etiquette

After a hard seventeen minute workout, I use the Sauna and Steam room to cool off from the intensity of the session. As usual, the steam room is out of order at my gym, which means everybody crams into the Sauna. Saunas are good for blood circulation, pain relief and relaxation so I understand the draw to it. Usually, when there’s so many people in one place, the self consciousness starts to kick in and the potential judgement counter starts to increase which means people are usually on their best behaviour. The more people around, means the more likely someone can form a bad opinion about you which is why people tend to behave themselves better in public situations. Not in this case. I think the warm, near naked environments allow some people to get too comfortable and even in this jam packed situation the feet picking, oil lathering, shampoo in hair and continuous cough come out in full effect. The level of consideration for others goes down faster than Madonna after three Martinis.

The feet picking is one I have particular concerns with because it’s so disgusting. I sometimes have to gauge whether the feet rubbing action that is taking place is appropriate or not but why. Why do I have to consider whether somebody’s being a little bit too comfortable or downright disgusting. Not to get too technical but the feet are prone to dirt, seen as it’s at the bottom of the body and they’re constantly being walked on. On a microscopic level I can imagine all sorts of crusts, dirt, dead skin and sock debris on the feet of the average person let alone the fat fuck whose had a heavy night of drinking and a McDonalds breakfast. The bottom of the feet yearn for the time when the extreme heat of the Sauna provides the perfect opportunity to be rubbed down like a carpenter sanding down a door frame to get the silky smooth finish required. But don’t do it, because then it becomes a room filled with twenty grown ass people and if we all started rubbing the dead skin off our feet, the place would fill up like soggy sand on a beach in Benidorm. Do it when you get home, simple as.

The coughing is self explanatory as the three cough rule is universal. You get one freebie, but after your second cough you should think about leaving because coughing is a method of spreading a viral infection. If you keep coughing then leave. The chances of a quick spread are enhanced in warm moist environments and the amount of times I’ve had to leave the sauna early because someone breaks this rule is a lot of times. There is a protocol, written and unwritten and I don’t think we should always have to abide by the rules of the almighty gym administrators, but common courtesy to your fellow human being should be number 1 priority. I’ve seen spitting, cider drinking and even someone who bought a glass bottle into the Steam room which then smashed all over the floor and the steam room was closed for the rest of the day.

The spitting I’ve seen in the steam room and constantly in the shower. Multiple people, multiple times. I think it’s disgusting. If you do it quietly and wash your saliva off the shower then no one knows. But the drawing up the spit from your throat in a loud and abrasive fashion so everyone can hear is unacceptable on the street let alone in a sauna facility where people are already exposed. Ignorance, I don’t give a fuck, your sick, I don’t give  a fuck either. Don’t spit for 5 minutes in the shower and then walk out like your Tom Cruise in Top gun. That’s one of the things the elite have got right. Building their own sauna in their house so they don’t have to share it with these saliva dispensing savages. That is now my new goal in life, get to a point where I can build my own sauna. Then I can pick my feet, rub my arse on the wall and spit until my throat is dry  and my heart is content.

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