Love can come first

Many black women are upset that black men who get into interracial relationships ¬†vocalise the negative traits that they’ve attributed to black women and as a result justify their choice of non-black partner. Plenty of celebrity black men who the general populous hold so high in regard, have publicly spouted their disdain for black women saying such things as they’re; unattractive, poor, loud and aggressive. A lot of this comes from men who are already comfortable referring to women in general as bitches and hoes, so that should say something about the person holding these abhorrent views. I truly believe too much time is spent on getting emotional about the opinion of ignorant people. It’s definitely ok to chastise someone who has been ignorant but there seems to be a recurring theme amongst black women about how ignorant men talk about them, and they constantly showcase their feelings about this which can sometimes make them look desperate. Lions don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. Intelligent and confident black women should look at the openness of these ignorant black men as a blessing because any man that talks about choosing a woman because of her looks, whether it be race, size or hair colour is not a man worthy of a good woman’s heart. If he’s looking for a light skin woman then his moral intention in his search for a partner is weak. If he’s looking for a Russian woman, same thing. Even if he is looking for a dark skinned woman, the premise of his search for love is flawed. It can work out, and in many cases does, because there is comfort in seeking your own, but not necessarily growth.

As I’ve got older, I believe relationships to be more about growth than compatibility which is why the divorce rate globally is so high, because most people choose what is nearby, similar or easy. The choice to get into a relationship with someone shouldn’t always be easy. It should be borne out o love as well as desire and know no bounds. There is no evidence today that being in an interracial relationship helps or hinders the journey to success of an individual, but it is this constant beating down of the ‘race in relationship’ narrative that still makes me believe that some people still have a backward mentality when it comes to partnership and love.¬† I understand that black women looking for black men are hurt when essentially black men reject them, but you cannot force anyone to like you let alone love you and if someone has the audacity to hold a derogative belief about an entire race of people its not something that is worth your energy. Ignore it. Leave it. Let those who have preferences prefer. Let those who fetishize indulge, but if you are looking for love, look for significant traits first; honesty, loyalty, strength, care, love, fun, happiness and intelligence etc. If that person retains these qualities and is the same race as you then that might be a bonus, but there has to be a cognitive choosing process as opposed to an emotional or insecure one.

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